1:04 a.m. - 2007-01-28
Snow bites, Sundays suck.
Snow fucking sucks. Got hit by a boatload last night and today, kind of made leaving the house a little more than inconvenient. So I stayed in, with him, in bed all day. Should have been a lovely day. It wasn't. I have been in a crappy mood all day. Course the kids and the roommate were running around the house all day too, but we just kind of buried ourselves in my room and ignored it all.
I wish I knew what it was about Sundays. I've always been so damn depressed on Sundays and it makes no sense. Sundays are all that family day, church, and hangovers. Maybe its the hangover, you know how "they" say alcohol is a depressant, so I guess "they" are right.
I'm tired and damn depressed. I really am tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of nothing to look forward to, feeling like I have nothing to live for and like I have no hope for anything to change. God, I'm depressing myself even more with this drivel.
We went out last night, me the girls and him. He basically guilt ed me into it in the first place, it was planned last week and since he calls everyday, I mentioned it and he hadn't said anything about going until a couple of hours before we were leaving. And when I didn't sound all enthusiastic about him going when he brought it up he pulled out the guilt card, and I fell for it as usual. The night was going ok until "Muffett" and my sister decided to run off at the mouth. They just made a few shitty comments which were well deserved but unnecessary. And then I get to spend the rest of the night placating him, so that he doesn't ruin everyone's night.
He was here all day, actually spent the night. Personally I think that he is trying to prove some kind of point, but he apparently just doesn't understand the whole point to begin with. We cannot be "we" when he has a wife. The end. So why is it so hard to just stand up and say forget it? Why cant I just tell him (and stick with it) to go and to stay gone until he gets over it or gets on with it? The running, ducking and hiding has gotten so fucking old. She knows where he is when he is gone, I just don't understand why we are carrying on at all let alone carrying on this fucking juvenile charade. Why can't I just quit this. Maybe I love the chaos as much as he does. As much as I love him. And hate myself for it.
What the fuck you fucking fuck?!
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urg. - 2007-04-09
%%older_entries%%yep - 2007-03-07
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%%older_entries%%'nuff fucking said already! - 2007-02-14
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